It's been awhile since I've blogged. Life has slowed down and I've been doing a lot of soul searching, trying to figure out my goals for the next leg of life.
I've realized that I really love singing and I miss it. I don't pretend to have an incredible voice but I've also decided that I don't care. I've started to try relearning the guitar so that I can at least sing with my kids. I feel that music is important to the soul and mental health.
I have several minor health issues but the combination of which will probably prevent me from having more children. This hurts. A lot. And I'm trying to figure out how to be ok with that. Sometimes I feel totally at peace with this idea, other times I sob uncontrollably. I still can't part with my baby clothes and toys. I'm not ready to completely say no to the baby chapter of my life.
It really isn't that far off that my kids will be in school. When they start school I want to go back to school. I'm still trying to decide what to study. I would love to be a junior high science teacher or a sociology professor but I think those might be out of my reach by now. I think I would also like to be an ESL teacher for adults, so I might go that route.
Michael and I might be buying a house this fall! I'm very excited about not having neighbors directly above us or sharing walls. It feels kind of weird though. I feel like we'll be "real" adults. Ha!
I really want to teach my kids to love learning and to love life. There is so much I want to do with my family! I want to take them to Disneyland while they're still young. I want to travel to Europe with just Michael. I want to read SO many books. I want to learn how to love exercising. I want to take my kids on enriching vacations like the ones I had growing up. I want to read them the Harry Potter books, and all of Roald Dahl, among many other books. I want to relax and soak up the present and stop trying to rush on to the next thing.
And I'm trying to love myself more and stop being afraid to show who I really am to others. I do like who I am but I always think others might not. So I'm trying to stop thinking that, or at least stop caring if others don't like me. :) It's terrifying to live authentically but I hope it's liberating.
I love my kids, and I love my husband. They're at the top of my list. I also love books, poetry, flowers, lakes, movies, girly tv shows, science, being with friends, and delicious food.
I also love my relationship with God. When I sum it all up, life is pretty good, even if it doesn't always feel like it.
Oh Tiffany! I wish you would write on your blog more (coming from someone that doesn't write often on her own of course)! Thank you for that sweet blog post. I could have written most of this myself. You talked about being authentic. Brian and I have been working on reading "The Gifts of Imperfection..." by Brene Brown. It's a great book that talks about being authentic and living a wholehearted life. I'm sure you've probably heard about it, but if you haven't read it yet, I highly suggest it. This book has changed both of our lives in so many ways. Thanks again, I am glad I read this.
ReplyDeleteLove this post. Your dreams are wonderful.
ReplyDeleteLove this! And I love your goal of authenticity. More people should have that. I agree, I think you should write more often ;) only because I like your thoughts :)
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for sharing this :). I wish I could come over and have a play date and give you a big hug.
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